[In July 2012, I was hospitalized in order to undergo a two-stage scoliosis operation. Three years ago today, the day before my second operation, I wrote this fanfic at 2am. I was sleep-deprived, in pain, and damn near hallucinated the whole thing. I was crying by the time I finished writing it. It remains to this day, in my opinion, the greatest thing I've ever written. I have made it an annual tradition to re-post it on the 10th of July every year, and this year is no different. I love you, Hanako.]
THE HOSPITAL VISIT
(2015 remastered edition)
As the curtain around my hospital bed swishes aside, I look up from my phone. There is the nurse, beaming as usual.
"You have a visitor," she says. I look beside her and feel my heart leap. I haven't seen the young woman standing there for only a week, but it's felt like years. All the pain I've endured so far... it was the thought of seeing her smiling face again that got me through it. I lay aside my phone in an instant.
"Hanako!" I call out weakly, smiling and raising my hand. It's at this point I realize how petrified she is just being here. She was trembling from head to foot, her eyes filled with terror as they took in the sight of me lying there, immobile, the cannula still rammed into my right hand though no fluids flowed through it, and the numbing cream smeared on my left hand ahead of an imminent blood test. But it wasn't me that terrified her. I knew that.
It was this place, the hospital, that terrified her. It was the memories that it brought back for her: the long, agonizing months she would have spent here, recovering from her burns. I can only imagine how painful it must have been for her to visit me, today of all days; each step must have been unbearable agony as she made her way through the wards. I'm saddened at the thought of this, but at the same time I'm humbled by the thought that she would put herself through all of this just to see me.
Hanako finally responds, forcing her gaze away from the floor. It rests on my face for maybe a second or two before settling on the cannula. "Umm... h-hello, R-Ryan." Her voice is so quiet I can barely make it out.
"I'll leave you two alone," says the nurse, and she hurries off, leaving me and Hanako all alone. Hanako remains frozen to the spot, staring at me like a rabbit caught in headlights. I smile a little wider to try and reassure her.
"I'm okay," I say. "Really, I'm fine." It's a massive lie. "Come over here, so I can give you a big kiss."
For a moment Hanako looks as though she would rather commit harakiri than take another step. But she complies, edging towards me one slow, agonizing step at a time. I slowly move my head, following her progress across the open cubicle. Finally she is standing only a few feet away from me.
"I... w-wanted... t... to see you... Ryan..." she manages to stammer.
"I know." I respond. "I wanted to see you too-"
Suddenly a sparkling trail glitters across Hanako's face, and the next instant she is crying. I instinctively reach out to grab her hand and comfort her, but she isn't close enough for me to reach. I bring my fist down on the bed in frustration. I hate seeing her like this, she clearly hates seeing me like this...
"Hanako..." I look up at her, tears forming in my own eyes. "Why are you doing this to yourself?"
Hanako answers me through stifled sobs. "I... I h-had... to see y-you." She sobs. "T-to make s-sure... you were okay. I-if... if you w-weren't..."
She pitches forward onto her knees, grasping the bed sheets in her hands and sobbing uncontrollably into them. I feel my heart silently break at the sight of her so despairing, and a tear runs down my own cheek. I reach out, and this time my hand is able to reach her head. I stroke her hair gently, trying to calm her down. "It'll be okay, Hanako," I reassure her. "Tomorrow I'm having the second operation. I'll finally be fixed. I'll be out of here before you know it."
Hanako seems to calm a little but is still sobbing. She looks up at me suddenly, seizing my hand in hers. The one eye that isn't hidden behind her bangs is red and puffy from the tears. She still looks beautiful to me. "P-please... don't... l-leave me, Ryan," she wails. "P-promise me... you won't... promise me!"
I smile again and wipe her tears, even as they begin to spill from my own eyes. From this distance the scarring on her face is all too visible, even through her dense fringe. I ignore it. She's beautiful regardless. "I promise, Hanako," I say, struggling now to keep my voice from breaking. "I promise... that I will never leave you."
Of course, this is a promise I can never keep. Someday, as loathe as I am to do so, I will have to leave this earth. But in my writings, and my projects, I will leave behind a legacy everlasting. And in that way, I will never truly be gone from her side. Just as she, a denizen of the virtual world, will remain forever young, I, through these words, will live on for eternity.
Hanako nods, and now her eyes begin to sparkle with joy, not tears. I smile harder, realizing I've accomplished something major today. Also, it's made me realize something; I'm not the only one facing their fears in this hospital. Not by a long way.
Hanako picks herself up off the floor, legs still bent somewhat so her face is roughly level with mine. She clasps her hands either side of my head and slowly leans forward. Sensing what she's after, but unable to do anything, I simply stare into her eyes - well, eye, one's still hidden - as her face steadily fills my vision.
Finally our lips meet. It's only for a brief moment, maybe five seconds, but with my eyes closed, lips pressed against hers, it feels like a split second of paradise amongst this hell I find myself in. Far too soon the moment is over and she moves her head away. Then I see that she is smiling, and my joy is redoubled.
"Th-thank you, Ryan," says Hanako.
"You're welcome, Hanako." I reply. "And... happy birthday."
I don't know how long we remained there, motionless, gazing into each other's tear-filled eyes, before the nurse arrived and told Hanako that it was time for her to leave, as I needed to have my blood test. As she left, I couldn't help feeling that, as hard as it had been for her to come here, it was ten times harder for her to leave.
/me salutes
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