Day 9

[from Aishiteru! Hikikomori-san]

Yuuichi cracked an eye open. 10:47am. It felt a lot earlier. He wasn't concerned about missing breakfast, as this was a regular occurrence for him; sometimes he woke up so late that he'd missed lunch as well. That was the price one paid for staying up until the small hours of the morning.

Stumbling out of bed, Yuuichi staggered over to the bathroom and took a quick shower to wake himself up a bit, before making himself brunch: cup noodles and potato chips. Turning on the TV, he sat down to eat, ready for another day of doing nothing meaningful whatsoever.

 He had barely finished his cup noodles, however, when there was a knock at the door. This in itself was strange; he hadn't ordered anything, and there was no other reason he could think of for someone to be knocking on his door. It wasn't family, as they usually called ahead to say they'd be visiting; it wasn't his friend Hiroto, as they only ever Skyped each other these days. So who could it possibly be?

Almost reluctantly, Yuuichi got up from the sofa and slouched towards the door; as he did so, whoever was outside knocked again. "Alright," he called out, "I'm coming!" Yuuichi opened the door, and received the surprise of his life.

Standing there in the doorway was one of the most beautiful women Yuuichi had ever seen: a veritable goddess of the third dimension. She had a full, firm bust, glorious hips, and amazingly long legs; with the heels she wore she was a few inches taller than Yuuichi. Her flaming red hair flowed elegantly past her shoulders and down her back, her green eyes sparkling.

Yuuichi was so caught up in her beauty that he did not notice two rather strange but important details. One, she was Caucasian; Russian, in fact. Two, she was carrying two large wheeled suitcases. Before Yuuichi could notice either of these details, the woman suddenly exclaimed in a thick Russian accent, "At last! Is so good to see you!" and threw herself at the astonished man, kissing him full on the lips.

Yuuichi had never been kissed before. His face turned bright red, his body going rigid as his brain tried desperately to process what was happening. Who is this woman? Why is she kissing me? Have I walked into some kind of H-manga?

After a brief eternity, the strange woman noticed Yuuichi's lack of response and pulled back. "Is something wrong?" she asked, a concerned expression on her face. "Why you kiss me not?"

Yuuichi remained frozen, his lips feeling as though they were on fire. He tried to find some kind of response, but his brain seemed to have shut down. Finally, torn between asking "Who are you?" and "Why did you just kiss me?", he managed to stammer, "Why are you...?"

The woman blinked, looking almost as puzzled as Yuuichi felt. "What you mean?" she asked.  "You know why I here."

Yuuichi blinked back at her, his confusion rising all the while. "No…?" he said tentatively.

The woman's expression flitted between confusion and concern for a moment. Then, strangely,  she cracked an amuse smile. "You make good joke," she said. "Is me, Ilana. Your…how you say…mail-order bride."

Yuuichi froze once more, trying to come to terms with this. He had ordered many things, but a mail-order bride was most definitely not one of them. As his mind continued to reel, he finally noticed the luggage cases Ilana was dragging behind her, and with a pang of horror he realized her intent: she wanted to stay here with him. She had travelled halfway across the world, carrying all her worldly possessions, to stay with a NEET with no source of income. This isn't an H-manga, he thought, this is a nightmare!

Before Yuuichi could protest that there had been some mistake, however, Ilana said, "I come in now," and crossed the threshold, dragging the heavy luggage cases behind her. She started to look around at Yuuichi's apartment, which was not much, but nevertheless she seemed to be impressed. "You have…how you say…house like blanket."

"Like…blanket?" repeated Yuuichi blankly. "Oh, you mean, "cozy"?"

"Yes, that is word," said Ilana, nodding. "Is cozy house." Laying eyes on Yuuichi's gaming TV - a 30-inch LCD screen he'd saved up for months to buy - she eagerly let go of the handles of the luggage cases and rushed over to it. "You have huge TV!" she exclaimed. "Is very big! Very thin! I like! You must have very money!" she added, turning enthusiastically towards her apparent husband. "You must be man of good business to buy such things! Look, you even have PlyStation!"

Ilana's cheerfulness brought Yuuichi out of his stupor. She looks so happy, he thought. If I tell her I'm a jobless, penniless layabout who's never even been kissed before, it'll break her heart…but I have to. I've got to set things straight. It's the right thing to do…right?

Just as Yuuichi opened his mouth, however, Ilana suddenly asked, "Where bedroom? I want see…how you say…bed of marriage." Ilana's posture and tone of voice suddenly became rather suggestive, leaning forwards seductively, causing Yuuichi's face to flush red for the third time in as many minutes. This time, a small quantity of blood began to leak from his nose as well. Then again, he thought, she's a hot Russian girl, and she's totally into me…I can't just let this opportunity slip through my fingers, can I? Oh, what do I do…

Finally, Yuuichi made up his mind what to do. "Th-the bedroom's that way," he stammered, pointing towards a door in the back wall, his nose bleeding ever more profusely. "F-feel free to check it out…I need to make a private phone call…"

"Okay," said Ilana, nodding. "I check out bedroom. You make call. Then you help me unpack. Husband must help wife too~" With that, she headed off towards the bedroom.

Once Ilana was out of the room, Yuuichi took out his phone and dialled Hiroto's number. His friend picked up fairly quickly. "Hey, Yuuichi," he said casually. "What's up?"

"Something totally crazy's happening," Yuuichi replied, his voice a little panicked. "This totally cute Russian chick showed up at my doorstep claiming she's my mail-order bride, and that she's going to live with me! I mean, there's obviously been a mix-up, I didn't order her, and she can't live here, I can't look after her, I don't have the money or the skills or the anything, but…she's cute as hell! And I can’t just throw her out on the streets, right? So, what should I do?"

"It's obvious, isn't it?" said Hiroto. "She loves you very much. She's given up everything to be with you - her family, friends, everything. She has nothing but what's in those suitcases. So it's your responsibility to provide for her."

"But she's not my wife!" exclaimed Yuuichi. "It's all just a mix-up!"

"It's not a mix-up," said Hiroto rather bluntly. "She is your wife."

Yuuichi began to realize something. "Wait a minute… don't tell me you have something to do with this?" he asked.

"Yep," admitted Hiroto. "I'm the one who ordered Ilana in your name."

"What?!!" exclaimed Yuuichi. "Why would you do something like that?!"

"Simple," said Hiroto. "Look…it's been three years since we left high school. In that time, you haven't worked a single day. You haven't talked to anyone other than me or the delivery guy-"

"I talk to my Fastbook friends!" insisted Yuuichi. "And the people I play against on PlyStation!"

"You haven't talked to anyone in real life other than me or the delivery guy," Hiroto corrected himself. "You've done nothing at all. If you keep this up, you'll waste your whole life, and end up dying penniless and alone. I don't want to see that happen to you, you're my friend. So I bought Ilana for you to give you some sense of responsibility. Think of it this way," he suggested; "it's a win-win scenario. She gets a better life here in Japan, with the man she loves, and you get your own life back on track, and a hot wife to boot. Everybody wins. Trust me; I did this for your own good, Yuuichi."

Yuuichi couldn't help thinking that Hiroto was right. He'd spent the last three years holed up in this apartment, playing video games, ordering his groceries online, and living off a monthly allowance from his parents. He hadn't done anything significantly social in all that time, and he certainly hadn't had a job or a girlfriend. Had he been unable to do anything more, he wondered, or just unwilling? Either way, it was out of his hands now. His parents' allowance wouldn't be enough to support both him and Ilana, and it was unlikely that Ilana, with her poor Japanese and probable lack of qualifications, would be able to hold down a job. He would have to do more, for Ilana's sake.

"O-okay," he said, understandably a little nervous. "I'll do my best."

"Good. I'm sure you'll make a great husband, Yuuichi. Speaking of which, your wife is probably waiting for you… you should go talk to her, don't you think?"

"Yeah. I will." Yuuichi knew just what to say to her now. "Uhh…thanks, I guess."

"Don't mention it," said Hiroto. "It'll be worth it to see you back on your feet again. See you later, Yuuichi."

"See ya," said Yuuichi.

Hiroto hung up, and Yuuichi slipped the phone back into his pocket. It seemed that, against his will, a whole new chapter of his life had begun. All he could do now was go along with it, and do the best he could. First things first: he had to explain the situation to Ilana, and set the record straight. Hopefully she wouldn't be too upset.