Day 84

[from Striker Man]

"Hey, it's only been twelve days? That was fast. The author must be running out of ideas. Oh, and I'm already at the pyramid, that's cool."

Striker Man was indeed outside the Pyramid of Faruk al-Faruk, whose riches he had been tasked with plundering in order to save his football club from bankruptcy. He had enlisted the help of his two best friends, each of whom had unique skills, to make the job that much easier.

The first, Stuporwoman, was Striker Man's oldest friend. Not that she was that old. How can you tell the age of a stick figure anyway? In any case, Stuporwoman was agile and a surprisingly good fighter, but had an IQ of about -17. Right now, for example, she was facing in completely the wrong direction, oblivious to the enormous pyramid right in front of the trio.

The second of Striker Man's friends was significantly more intelligent than not just her friends, but almost everyone else in the entire world. Her name was The Genius, and she was currently staring at the pyramid with interest, adjusting her glasses with one hand while holding a briefcase full of science things in her other hand.

"This is unequivocally a most enthralling discovery," she said, her speech as bafflingly verbose as ever. "An Ancient Egyptian pyramid in the middle of Sussex… how phenomenally anachronistic."

"A what?" asked Striker Man.

"It's a very interesting find," The Genius clarified, forcing herself to dumb down her speech.

"It is," said Striker Man. "How much treasure do you reckon there is inside?"

"Unquestionably, its worth is practically incalculable," said The Genius.

"And is that enough to pay off my club's debts?" asked Striker Man.

"Yes," said The Genius simply.

"Alright," said Striker Man. "So, how do we get inside? That's a big stone door there, and I don't see any handles or buttons or anything." He pointed at the pyramid's entrance, which was sealed off by an enormous sandstone slab.

"Be not apprehensive, Striker Man," said The Genius. "I have made preparations." She set down her suitcase and opened it. Inside were numerous stoppered flasks, more than such a case could conceivably contain, each one half-filled with liquids of various different colours and consistencies. These were The Genius' concoctions, and she carried one for almost any possible situation, including, for example, if one wishes to melt through a large sandstone door.

The Genius pulled out a long test tube full of bubbling purple liquid, and another full of pale blue liquid, and advanced towards the door. Pulling out the stopper, she threw the contents of the test tube over the stone slab, and in an instant it began to dissolve. Within moments, the only trace of the door was a caustic purple puddle on the floor. The Genius poured the pale blue liquid on top of this puddle, and the acid was swiftly neutralized and became no more dangerous than a puddle. "One can still drown in four inches of-" I meant a shallow puddle. And stop breaking the fourth wall, you guys! "My apologies."

"Nice going, Genius!" said Striker Man, possibly the first time this sentence had been said non-sarcastically. "Alright, let's get inside and-"

"Not so fast," said The Genius. "The passageways will almost inevitably be brimming with pitfalls and ambuscades."

"Well, that's convenient," said Striker Man. "If we fall into any of the pitfalls, we can get to hospital quickly."

"Ambuscades, not ambulances," said The Genius. "It means traps."

"So the ambulances are traps?" said Striker Man.

The Genius sighed and facepalmed. "Let's just get inside and misappropriate the riches within," she said. Taking out another stoppered flask, this one filled with luminous green fluid, The Genius shook it vigorously and it began to glow brightly. Using this to light their way, The Genius entered the dark interior of the pyramid, with Striker Man close behind.

"Come on, Stuporwoman," he said, "we're heading inside now."

Stuporwoman, who had been staring intently in the wrong direction the whole time, suddenly turned to see where the voice had come from and was astounded. "Look, Striker Man!" she exclaimed, pointing at the pyramid. "There's a giant pointy thing over there!"

"We're going inside the pointy thing," said Striker Man dully. "Come on, hurry up."

"Yes, ma'am!" said Stuporwoman. She happily skipped off after Striker Man, and the three friends entered the pyramid in search of the treasure within.