Day 72

[from Striker Man]

"This is nonsense. I'm supposed to be Animatron's mascot, their central character! I'm their oldest creation, after all! Why haven't I gotten a Project 20:15 post yet?"

Uhh, Striker Man-

"StarLight's gotten five posts already! Five! And I haven't gotten a single one! That's totally unfair!"

Striker Man-

"Seriously, if he doesn't start posting about me soon, I'm going on strike, because-"

Striker Man! This is a Project 20:15 post about you. Now could you kindly put the fourth wall back, please? I'd like to get on with the story.

"Oh, right. Sorry about that, Ryan. But seriously, you haven't done anything with me since 2008, what's the deal with that?"

…

"…oh, all right, I'll put the fourth wall back."

Having replaced the fourth wall, Striker Man was suddenly and conveniently interrupted by a call on his cell phone. "Mobile phone!" I told you to put the fourth wall back! "Sorry." Striker Man was interrupted by a call on his mobile phone. He picked it up and answered it. "Hello?"

On the other end was The Gaffer, the manager of his football club, whose name I can't be bothered to think of right now. "Hey, Striker Man," he said. "Listen, could you come to the club for a bit? We've got a bit of a problem and I'd like to discuss it with you."

"Why me, gaffer?" asked Striker Man.

"Because you're the main character," said The Gaffer. "I'll be in my office, waiting for you."

"Okay," said Striker Man. "I'll be there in a jump cut."

***

"You wanted to see me, gaffer?" said Striker Man, as he entered The Gaffer's office.

"Ah, that was quick," said The Gaffer. "Sit down and we'll get started."

Striker Man promptly sat down on the floor. "I meant on the chair," said The Gaffer. Striker Man promptly sat down on the back of the chair opposite The Gaffer. "Alright, now you're just being silly," said The Gaffer. Striker Man promptly sat down normally on the chair, and The Gaffer shuffled a stack of papers and began.

"Okay, so, our club's financial situation has become increasingly perilous," said The Gaffer. "In hindsight, we probably shouldn't have bought all those Brazilian megastars using money we didn't actually have. Or gold-plated all the toilets. Or hired Jamie Oliver to do the catering."

"You shouldn’t have done that anyway, his food is terrible," said Striker Man.

"It's healthy," said The Gaffer.

"Same thing," said Striker Man.

The Gaffer ignored this last comment, because it was stupid. "Anyway, the point is," he said, "we're currently £50 million in debt, and if we don't pay up soon, the debt people are going to come and repossess the stadium and probably break our kneecaps. Luckily, I've found a solution to our problems. Here." He handed Striker Man a print-out of a photo of an ancient pyramid.

"What's this?" asked Striker Man.

"It's a piece of paper," said The Gaffer.

"Yes, but what's on it?" asked Striker Man.

"That's the Pyramid of Faruk al-Faruk," said The Gaffer. "It's an ancient Egyptian pyramid that's said to contain mountains of treasure. Like, literal mountains. Gold and diamonds and all kinds of stuff. It's also conveniently an hour's drive from here."

"What's an ancient Egyptian pyramid doing an hour's drive from Sussex?" asked Striker Man.

"Beats me, but I'm not gonna complain," said The Gaffer, shrugging his shoulders. "Anyway, since you're good at doing action-y stuff, I'd like you to go to the pyramid and plunder it. Steal as much of its riches as you can, and bring them back here to the stadium, so we can use them to pay off our debts. And maybe buy some more Brazilian megastars."

"Why not English megastars?" asked Striker Man.

"English megastars?" repeated The Gaffer, amused. "In football? Yeah, good one."

"Good point," admitted Striker Man. "So, should I go break into that pyramid now, or-?"

"Wait until the next Project 20:15 post," said The Gaffer, "the author's a lazy git and can't be bothered to write that part yet."

"Well, that'll give me plenty of time to prepare, then, since I'll probably be waiting two more months," remarked Striker Man. "By which time he will have written four more posts about StarLight."

"Bloody foreigners, coming over here, stealing our air time," joked The Gaffer.

"You know," said Striker Man, "it's a good thing the author can't hear us, or he'd probably cut us off right about n-"