Day 217

[from Aishiteru! Hikikomori-san]

Yuuichi was startled to hear a knock on his door. He hadn't ordered anything recently, and he wasn't expecting company, so he had no idea who it could be. I guess there's only two people it could be, he thought to himself. One is Hiroto, but then he'd usually just Skype me. Which means it's most likely- The colour suddenly drained from Yuuichi's face as he realized something terrible: he had never told his parents about Ilana. With a rising sense of dread, he opened the front door.

Sure enough, there was his mother, smiling at him from the threshold. Though she was in her mid-forties by now, she still looked reasonably youthful, except for the grey streaks that were starting to appear in her long brown hair. "Hi, sweetie!" she said.

With his worst fears confirmed, Yuuichi went into panic mode. Unsure how to tell his mother about his mail-order bride, who was currently cleaning the bedroom, Yuuichi decided to simply keep it quiet and try and get his mother away as soon as possible. "Wh-what are you doing here, mom?" he asked.

"I just thought I'd pop by and see how you were doing," said Yuuichi's mother. "There's nothing wrong with that, is there? You are my son, after all."

"Well, yeah," conceded Yuuichi, "b-but you see, I'm kinda busy at the moment, so-"

"Oh?" said Yuuichi's mother, amused. "Busy doing what, playing games? Watching anime? Talking to your Internet friends?" This was partly why Yuuichi disliked his mother coming to visit him: she always made snarky comments about his inactivity, and they was always right. "Or could it be that you've finally got a lady over?" she added teasingly. "Wouldn't that be something!"

"Oh, no," said Yuuichi nervously, "I don't have anyone like that over-"

Before Yuuichi could finish, Ilana, who hadn't cottoned on to the fact she was supposed to be hiding, burst out of the bedroom with a feather duster in her hand and a cheerful smile on her face. "Hello!" she said, waving. "You must be mother of Yuuichi! I am Ilana, wife of Yuuichi. Is good to meet you!"

Yuuichi froze, rigid with shock. His mother's expression also froze, as she tried to process what had just happened. Slowly, her head turned to face Ilana. "W… wi… fe?" she repeated. As the revelation sank in, she turned back to Yuuichi, pointing a shaking hand at Ilana. "Yuuichi… i-is this woman really…?"

A bead of sweat ran down Yuuichi's brow. His plan to hide Ilana from his mother had been shattered, and he would never be able to lie his way out of it now. He heaved a defeated sigh and looked away, embarrassed. "Well… n-not yet, but… she will be, I guess-"

Yuuichi's mother suddenly let out a loud squeal of joy, causing her son to jump into the air with fright. A look of sheer ecstasy passed across her face, her eyes shining with joy. "I can't believe it!" she exclaimed. "My son is actually getting married! I never thought this day would ever come! And to such a beautiful woman!" She rushed over to Ilana, seizing her by the wrists and sizing her up with glee. "Tell me everything!" she gushed, her words coming out at light-speed. "How did you two meet? How long have you known each other? Was it love at first sight? Did you meet online? When are you planning to hold the ceremony? How far have you two gone in the bedroom? Are you already pregnant? Are those your real breasts? Tell me, what attracted you to my son-?"

"Mom, please," said Yuuichi, already looking exhausted. "Cut it out, you're bugging her."

Yuuichi's mother immediately turned her attention back to her son. "Why didn't you tell me you were getting married to such a beautiful young woman?!" she asked. "This is the greatest thing to happen since you left high school!"

"I didn't tell you because I know you'd overreact like this!" said Yuuichi. "And also I kind of forgot a little," he added sheepishly.

"It's fantastic, though!" said Yuuichi's mother. "Not only are you getting married, but to such an unbelievable catch! How on earth did you manage to hook her?!"

Wow, thanks for the confidence boost, mom, thought Yuuichi. "Well, the truth is," he said, "she's actually a mail-order bride. Oh, but I didn't buy her, it was Hiroto, he thought it would give me more responsibilities or something… huh?"

Yuuichi's mother had suddenly vanished. Heading out into the hallway, Yuuichi saw her pounding frantically on the door of Hiroto's apartment. Hiroto answered the door with a sigh. "What do you w-" he began.

Before he could finish, Yuuichi's mother let out another squeal of delight and seized Hiroto in a tight hug, spinning him around with glee. "Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou!!!" she gushed. "I was starting to dread that my son would never get a girlfriend, but you went out of your way to fix him up with one! Oh, thank you so much, Hiroto! You're the best friend a son could ever have!"

"Th-thank you, Mrs. Yuuichi's mom," said Hiroto, rattled, "but could you let go of me please? You're crushing me."

"I'm sorry, but I'm just so excited about this!" said Yuuichi's mother, releasing Hiroto. "My son's never had a girlfriend before in his life, and he probably hasn't even talked to a girl in the last three years, but now he's getting married! It's every mother's dream to see her son walk down the aisle! Oh, I'm so happy I could cry!"

"Please, mom, stop," said Yuuichi, his face now bright red. "You're making way too much of a big deal out of this."

"But isn't it great?" his mother said. "You're finally doing something with your life! Oh, right! Does this mean you're going to get a job now? You'll need a steady income in order to support your new wife!"

"She's not my wife yet!" Yuuichi repeated. "And I already have a job! I'm working in a local call center."

Yuuichi's mother looked as though all her birthdays had come at once. "You even have a job now?!" she exclaimed. "That's amazing! This time a year ago you wouldn't even have considered getting a job!" She rushed back to Ilana, seizing her hands once more. "I really can't thank you enough, Ilana!" she said. "You've completely changed my son for the better! I don't know what would have become of him if you hadn't come along!"

Ilana looked completely overwhelmed by what was happening. She turned to face Yuuichi as though begging for help. "She talk too fast," she said, "I understand her not."

"Sorry, sorry, you're completely right!" said Yuuichi's mom, in the exact same enthusiastic manner as before. "I should have known you might have trouble understanding me! I mean, you're not from Japan, right?" She cleared her throat and then, to Yuuichi's horror, started speaking in a very slow, clear manner, accompanying her words with gestures, as one might when talking to a simpleton. "I. Am. Happy. For. You. You. Make. My. Son. Not. Lazy. He. Is. Lucky. To. Have. You."

"Now she talk like idiot," said Ilana, glancing at Yuuichi with a bemused expression. "I am confused."

"Mom, please!" said Yuuichi. "She's not an idiot! She just can't understand you because you're talking at 200 words a minute!"

"That's. Why. I'm. Talking. Slower. Now!" said Yuuichi's mom.

Yuuichi sighed and brought his hand up to his forehead. "This is gonna be a long day…" he muttered to himself.